


Return to the Earth

by SleepySpeedster



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Acceptance, Childhood Memories, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Friendship, Gen, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 23:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15520788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepySpeedster/pseuds/SleepySpeedster
Summary: Set Post KH 3 - Master Xehanort has been defeated and Terra has returned to his body, but the ten years that have passed without him and the changes have taken their toll upon him. Terra finds himself upon the Destiny Islands unable to face his friends or return home to The Land of Departure as the guilt weighs down upon him.*****Time had passed so quickly. Ten years so they say, and not a second of it Terra remembered. His body and the world had changed without him.





	Return to the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Set Post KH3

          Time had passed so quickly. Ten years so they say, and not a second of it Terra remembered. His body and the world had changed without him. This long hair was not his, nor the silver streaks it contained, nor this body that had grown and changed without him. Everything was different and he had felt left behind.

          Terra fell back onto the island shore and dug his hands into the sand. The sky stretched out endlessly above him, the sea all around him, and here he was stuck on this small mound of earth. Destiny Islands, the place of so many beginnings and then there was him. A former vessel of the darkness, a pawn, a feckless fool, a man who had caused pain for so many and even ended lives.

          Aqua, Ven, Master Eraqus, Riku, Sora, Kairi, and the rest. They had all fought against Master Xehanort and his machinations. While he had caused so much pain to his own friends and those three young keyblade wielders because he had wanted to believe Master Xehanort’s words. 

          His self imposed seclusion only felt right. The days the young trio were here on the island Terra could hear them laugh and whispers of conversations, and all he could do was walk away from that happiness. He had already taken away so much. They had already shown him the kindness of sharing their island with him, at the least he could do the kindness of not showing his face; the face that bears reminder of Xehanort, his heartless, and his nobody around them. Even when he saw his own reflection in the waves nausea bubbled up inside of himself. A sick feeling churned and disgust flooded him to the point he could only walk away from the reminder. So surely the others must have felt the same. Whenever he caught them glancing at him their gazes held a nervousness, like they couldn’t stand the sight of him.

          Further into the sand Terra buried his hands, clenching the grains in his fists, nails scrabbling as deep as they could into the earth.  It reminded him of the past when Master Eraqus was first training him. Back when he had been his only pupil; rough, reckless and eager. Even then as a child  he would lay on his back as he looked up at the starry night while digging his hands into the grass and into the dirt, uprooting clumps of earth and handfuls of grass. Master Eraqus once even scolded him for such. His hands had been soiled with dirt and stained by the grass before dinner and the Master had told him to show respect for the land they lived upon.

* * *

 

_“All arises from the earth. From the plants and the animals you have seen before you, but they are not the only ones. Even we come from the earth, Terra.”_

_“Even us, Master?”_

_“Yes.” Eraqus smiles down at his young pupil a world of experience still unknown within those blue eyes, “Even us. We live upon the earth, take from it, give back, and one day we will return to the earth just like the rest of nature.”_

* * *

          Maybe it would be better to simply to return to earth like all things do. Would it not be natural? Acceptable? 

          “Terra?” He bolted upright at the sound of his name called behind him; sand falling from him as he did so.

          “…Riku?” Terra’s voice is soft in response as he tucks back his streaked hair behind his ear and looks up at the young Keyblade Master. How long had he been here?

          “Do you mind if I sit with you?” Riku asks.

          There was a moment of hesitation.

          “Not at all.” Terra replied looking up at Riku and then back to the sea.

          Riku sits down in the sand next to Terra. Silence surrounds them as they look out to the horizon, the sun slowly sinking and turning the sky orange and red.

          “This island is so small isn’t it?” Riku asks as he continues to look out towards the sea.

          “Honestly? It might be even smaller than the Land of Departure. I used to think my home was small too.” Terra smirks at the thought, “But maybe because we know our homes so well that we start to feel that way.” At first the land had only held two people, then with Aqua it had become three, and then four when Ven arrived. Home had been such a small place, but sitting here on this island made for children to play made it seemed much bigger even when it had just been the two of them, “When my training first began it had been just myself and Master Eraqus. Though even then I had thought of how small our world was.  The days felt shorter and smaller. We would wake up, have breakfast together, Master would teach me about the keyblade and the duties of a keyblade bearer, we would train and spar, then we would even toil or seed the fields the Master had made.” Terra lets out a small chuckle as he admits, “I loved that. Just getting my hands into that damp soil, digging holes here and there while the Master checked on the crops we grew.” Terra grins at the memories of the two of them during those simpler times. He even remembered his and Master Eraqus’ first harvest together; digging up potatoes and onions and cabbage and carrots. It had been fun for him. The Master had even commented upon his vigor for the duty as they plucked vegetables for their dinner stew. “Maybe back then it had just been the routine of it all and my haste to become a Keyblade Master that made me think my home was small. Heh, it seems silly now.” 

          Terra hadn’t realized in his his first glimpse, but Riku had been smiling at him. “What?” He tips his head to the side perplexed by the look.

          “I just haven’t seen you smile like that in so long. Not since you and Aqua and Ven reunited.” Riku says as he stares at Terra. It’s a longing look, but like that of a parent; one who hadn’t seen their child happy in a very long time. “Honestly…We’ve been worried about you, Terra. Everyone has.”

          “Worried? You don’t need to be worried about me.” He tries to feign calm, composure, something akin to happiness, but the disappointed look upon Riku’s face stops him. 

          “Whatever is troubling you. We’ll all be there for you. We care about you Terra.” Riku places his hand upon Terra’s shoulder and gently squeezes, but in one ragged motion Terra shakes it off and stands. That was it. _That_ was it. The sullen acceptance had disappeared within him at this one sudden act of kindness.

          “Why don’t you three _hate_ me?” He asks looking down at Riku pained. Why did they still try? Why couldn’t they see he was trouble? He couldn’t comprehend how they could bear to look at him- to look at the man who had hurt them. “Everything I’ve done. How I was so easily led astray and lost my heart and body to the darkness. I hurt you all. It’s my fault.” All of this pain had been his own fault. All of it was his own fault.

          “It wasn’t your fault, Terra!”

          “It was! It was my fault!” Desperation clawed in his voice. These were the facts. Why couldn’t they see?

          “Terra. You are you. Your heart and body may have changed in those years, but your mind still fought. You know all the things Master Xehanort did are not the things you wanted. The man who recreated Kingdom Hearts was not you. Terra, you were just a young man who wanted to prove himself. Master Xehanort took advantage of your dreams and used you. He stole your body and your heart. You didn’t willingly give them up and I know you never wanted to hurt anyone.” He was used like a puppet, but that wasn’t his fault. Riku wouldn’t let him accept even an iota of the blame. 

          “How can you be so certain?”

          “Because of how we’ve talked. You talk about The Land of Departure as your home, how you would train with Aqua and Ven, how you each shared the dream of becoming a Keyblade Master, playing Command Board with them, even how you loved digging holes and planting with your master when you were young. None of those things are Master Xehanort. None of them are Xemans or even Ansem. Those are the things you love- Those are your memories, Terra. You cherish them.” Riku smiles at Terra, “Have strength of heart and believe. Take it from someone who’s had something similar happen.” Riku smiles a sheepish seming smile as if the memory in his mind wasn’t as bad anymore.

          “What?” Terra was surprised if anything by the statement. “What do you mean by that?”

          No, it still stung. The bad memory still held power. Terra could tell as Riku hesitated, “…Ansem possesed my body when I young. I wanted to save someone, but the way I went about it was foolish. I was was foolish and stupid, and misguided. I wanted to make Sora hurt because I thought he had replaced us. Then I wanted power to make him see that he was wrong, and Ansem had the power that could prove him wrong.” Riku breathes and shame wells, “So I let him posses me.”

          Terra kneels upon the sand reaching out towards the young Master.

          “That’s not-”

          “My fault?” Riku lets out a sigh and settles once more upon the sandy shore and stares out to the sea, “Someone promises the world to a shitty kid and it’s not their fault. So why not a good intentioned adult?” Riku bluntly states back, “It’s not your fault either, Terra.”

          Terra’s gaze fell from Riku. _It wasn’t his fault?_ His stomach churned with a guilt that seemed indefatigueable since the day he returned. Terra had considered every moment of his journey that he could remember. ‘What ifs’ had filled his mind. What if he hadn’t believed Master Xehanort, what if he had listened to Aqua, what if he had returned home, what if he  had listened to Master Eraqus and just obeyed? There were so many ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’. He covers his face unable to take it.

          “It’s not _my_ fault?” He repeats, voice cracking with the question, emotion flooding him. None of the ‘ifs’ or ‘maybes’ had ever mattered. 

          “It’s not your fault.” Riku repeats and he’ll repeat it as many times as Terra needs to hear it because it was the truth. “It had never been your fault, Terra.” It had never been his duty to try to fix the past or to find a solution for what he had wrongfully felt were his faults. He made mistakes of trust and stubbornness. He made mistakes like any youth.

          “It’s not my fault.” The tears began to trail down his cheeks as he accepts the truth. It had never been his fault. They didn’t hate him. There was no need to return to the earth. Terra wipes at the tears falling from his face.

          He didn’t need to disappear.

          “Just because we made mistakes doesn’t mean our friends stopped loving us.” The glaze of tears shone in Riku’s own eyes as he spoke, “We just have to learn from our mistakes and do better. Right?” His own breath shudders as he asks.

          “Right.” Terra answers with a new confidence and grins despite the tears that stubbornly fell. The weight of guilt and his pain disappearing with each one shed. 

          The darkness of night fell upon the pair as the sun finally sunk beneath the horizon, but within the sky the light of the stars shined above them. Upon the beach they shed their tears and smiled. They had made mistakes, but from them they would learn.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated and aid in the creation of future fanfic.


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